The Valentine's Day Mailbag

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Happy Valentine's Day, my lovers. I can't wait to spend an evening with you filled with sexual d'lites. (By that I mean I'm going to stick my thumb in you until you turn red.)

Joe Mckay wrote in to suggest this idea regarding headline predictions and the potential of delivering one on a day when something tragic happens.

If your pre-set prediction is that there will NOT be a terrible terrorist attack today. And there is - you can say "I guess I really am terrible at this".

This leaves the spectator thinking you kinda' did predict it. Since predicting there won't be a terrible terrorist attack would ordinarily be a prediction that would not very impressive.

That gave me a good idea for a good, ungimmicked, self-working headline prediction. You just mail your spectator an envelope and inside the envelope is your prediction which says, "There were no massive terrorist attacks today." But what if there is one, you might ask. Don't worry, because on the back of the prediction it says, "Off by one," a la Kolossal Killer.

Noel Qualter wrote in to direct me to this hard-hitting piece on the "15 Hottest Female Magicians In the World." I'm sorry, the "15 Hottest Female Magicians in the World (with pictures)." Lest you thought that would make a good text-only article. 

I may have made some different choices but it's hard to argue too much with the author's selections. Those are females. And they're hot. And they're magicians. Clearly his google search worked. 

It's actually nice that there are enough women in magic that a whole article (with pictures) can be devoted to objectifying and marginalizing 15 of them.

In my day if you wanted to masturbate to a female magician you were stuck with Eusapia Palladino. And we didn't complain. We shot endless ropes of ejaculate across her image because that's all we had and we liked it. 

We've come a long way. Sure, when I was getting into magic in the 90s, you'd go to a magic convention and be surrounded by ample, heaving, beautifully round breasts, but none of them were attached to women.

Noel also sent along this video. It's a few years old, but I hadn't seen it.

If you like that type of raw, take-no-prisoners, street-wise, hard-core, gritty, gangsta shit like I do, then you might like a couple of my other favorite rappings.