Until 2021...
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Well, here we are again, my dears. It’s that time of year. The time of year when many of us will be visited by that man in the red suit who loves to have children on his lap.
It’s also the time of year when The Jerx winds down for a little while. That’s right, the 2020 Season of the Jerx has come to close. I’d like to think that this year we all learned a little about magic… and a lot about love.
I will be back with the occasional post in January, and then we’ll pick things up again for real at some point in February. Next year there will be a new schedule for everything. A new posting schedule, a new newsletter schedule, and a new supporter reward schedule (assuming the supporters decide to keep the site going for another year). I’ll get to those details sometime next month.
So, we’ve got 10 days until the new year. Are you making some resolutions? Do you have some plans and goals for next year?
As someone who is naturally a happy person and generally pretty excited by life, I’m always looking for the ways in which my mindset differs from those I see around me who don’t feel this way. And hopefully, if I can find those differences, I can maybe elucidate them in a way that might be helpful to others who don’t naturally have my same predisposition.
Today I want to share something I’ve been thinking about in regards to some of the people I know who seem a little dissatisfied with their life.
So maybe you find yourself in a decent relationship, you have a good job, and a couple of sweet kids. And even though that is all you ever wanted, you still feel like something is lacking. And it doesn’t really make sense to you because you feel something is lacking, even though you’re not sure what it could be. Well… how important could it possibly be if you’re not sure what it is you’re lacking? How could something you can’t even put your finger on be the thing that’s standing between you and greater happiness?
Well, I think it might be because the thing you’re missing is a little abstract. It’s not something obvious like family, a house, financial security, etc. It’s not something you can immediately recognize in other people, so it’s not something you necessarily notice about yourself either.
So what is this missing ingredient for a happy, exciting life?
A scheme.
I know I have a number of readers who don’t speak English as a first language, so I’ll explain what I mean by a “scheme” if the word doesn’t translate exactly.
A scheme is like a plan to achieve a goal, but it’s a particular type of plan. It’s a plan to achieve a goal that is somewhat romantic or reckless in some manner. And a scheme should have some element to it that is a secret. Something known only by you.
I’m going to lose 20 pounds.
I’m going to learn how to crochet.
I’m going to set aside $500/month for my child’s college fund.
Those are all fine goals or resolutions to make for New Years. But they’re not schemes.
I’m going to wake up an hour early every day without telling anyone and work on my first novel.
I’m going to win that woman’s heart.
I’m going to rob a bank.
Those are schemes.
A scheme really has to have some sort of aspect of sneakiness to it. “I’m going to lose weight and get healthy,” wouldn’t qualify as a scheme. But, “I’m going to lose 80 pounds. Buy the tightest yoga pants I can find. Then ‘accidentally’ bump into my boyfriend at the grocery store,” is a scheme. Even though the outcome may be no different than “I’m going to lose weight and get healthy.”
Here’s why I think a scheme is valuable. A lot of adult life is just about treading water. You’re just doing what you’ve been doing for some time in order to keep yourself in the same position. Even if you’re successful at this, it can be unsatisfying. Being an adult is about making smart decisions and sensibly pursuing the goals that will set you up to meet your future needs.
A scheme, however, is geared towards adding something to your life. Something you don’t necessarily need, but something you’re passionate about that will bring you pleasure. That might be: money, sex, revenge, fun, or some sort of new achievement/experience. No, you don’t necessarily want to devote your life to any of these things. But you should have some part of your life that is spent in their pursuit.
I’m not saying it’s just about doing things you enjoy. It’s about having some sort of plan in place to get you something you desire. “I’m going to pay that prostitute for sex,” is not a scheme. “Over the next six months, I’m going to seduce that prostitute to the point where she pays me for sex,” is a scheme.
A lot of people romanticize their young adulthood. It’s often a time they look back on fondly even if things weren’t going great for them at that point in time. I think that is, in part, because young adulthood is a time for scheming. “I’m going to start a band.” “I’m going to find a way to get some money to buy that motorcycle.” “I’m going to practice every night this week and get the lead part in the school play.” “I’m going to get out of this dead-end town.”
When you’re sixteen you might think, “I’m going to ask that girl to prom.” You might think that months in advance, even if you never spoke to her before.
When you’re young you spend a lot of time thinking of ways to capture new objectives. New skills, new friends, new loves, new jobs, new interests, new experiences. As you get older, it becomes more about maintaining what you have, or—if you have kids—putting your time and effort into helping them achieve their goals. If that’s where you are, and you’re perfectly happy, then you don’t need to change anything. But if you feel like you’re missing out on something, you may be missing the act of pursuing some private goal. Not a goal of lowering your cholesterol or getting a promotion. Being healthy and making more money are pretty much universal goals that are just a normal part of being an adult for everyone. What I’m talking about is something personal.
This is not a selfish act. It’s a way to keep yourself engaged in the world and growing.
You can be the most devoted husband/wife, and your family can be your number one priority, and you can still have your own little scheme going on in the background.
And I think it’s important that it’s something you keep secret. Or, at least, that you don’t divulge what you’re doing entirely to anyone else. Your scheme is your own little project or objective. The only one who has a complete understanding of it is you. Once your scheme concludes, then you can share it with anyone you want (as you will be on to the next scheme). But while it’s still active, I think it’s best if it’s something you keep to yourself.
Again, if you’re very happy and feel excited with what’s happening in your life, this advice isn’t for you. This for anyone who feels unfulfilled.
Will working on a scheme make you happy and fulfilled? I don’t know. I just know that part of what keeps me fully engaged and loving life is that I always have something up my sleeve that I’m working on. Something I can focus on, daydream on, and act on. Some schemes last weeks, others years. But I like to always have something in the works.
(In addition to your little schemes, I also recommend having one big unachievable goal as well, as I wrote about here. In fact, often my schemes are a part of my unachievable goal. They can work together.)
So there’s your 2021 mission. Get yourself a scheme and start implementing it.
That’s all for this year. Supporters have one more newsletter coming their way. You should have it by New Year’s Day.
Hope your holidays are a delight. I’ll see you in 2021.
