The 50-Piece Interaction Toolkit (A 100-Trick Repertoire Supplement)
/About six years ago I was at a dinner party at my friend’s place in Brooklyn. One of the guests there was one of the most charming and interesting dudes I’ve ever met. No matter where the conversation went, it seemed like he had an interesting anecdote, fact, or recommendation to add. He didn’t make himself the center of attention, but whenever there was an ebb in the conversation he had something to contribute to keep it rolling.
A month or so later, I ran into him a second time, and again he impressed me with his conversational skills and his ability to have something to share that was relevant to whatever conversation was going on around him. I feel I’m pretty good in conversation, but my skill is more in the realm of the bullshitting, off-the-cuff conversational style. This guy had—I felt—more concrete contributions to give. And at one point I pulled him aside and complimented him on that and said, “I wish my mind worked like that. I wish I had such faculty with information.”
And then he pulled out his phone and said, “Let me show you something.” And he opened his Notes app and showed me some notes he had on his phone. One was titled, “Stories.” Another one, “Trivia.” Another one, “Recommendations.” He had a different list for all types of information he might use in conversation. “I don’t think many people just naturally remember all these sorts of things. And those that do are probably bad conversationalists in other ways,” he said.
This was kind of a revelation for me. I think at first it felt like cheating. “Hey, you only have all those things to share because you wrote them down and remembered them!” But I changed my tune pretty quickly. He wasn’t scripting his conversations. He was just making note of things he may want to share with others in the future, and he would regularly review those notes to keep them at the top of his mind. That immediately seemed like a much better system than mine which was:
Have something interesting happen to me.
Think, This will make a good story to share sometime.
Six hours later think, What was that interesting thing that happened earlier?
The next day forget anything interesting ever happened altogether.
So I came to accept that idea that tracking this sort of thing was in no way cheating. I’m not stealing other people’s stories or opinions, I’m just making note of mine so they’re not lost to the ether.
So now, in addition to my 100 Trick Repertoire, I keep something of a 50-Piece Interaction Toolkit. These are some stories, ideas, games, etc., that I have in the back of my mind, should I need them. Some are strictly conversational things. Others—due to my interests—are magic-related, or tangential to magic. I don’t unload a bunch of these in a single conversation. But making note of these things and reviewing them every now and then allows me to have much better access to them in the situations where they might be useful. I find they come in handy specifically when dealing with people I don’t have a ton in common with, often kids, or just other people with whom I’m not likely to get into a “deep” conversation.
Here are the things I try and keep a repository of:
5 Personal Anecdotes
I sometimes ask people for an interesting story from their life, and it’s kind of shocking how this can paralyze people. Even people who have led very interesting lives. They don’t have a single story that jumps to the front of their mind about something interesting that happened to them.
Now, for the most part, you’re going to want the personal anecdotes you share to flow naturally from the conversation. But having a few go-to stories can be helpful in certain situations.
5 Jokes
I’m not a big joke teller, in the sense of scripted jokes. And, in fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone who loves telling those types of jokes who is the sort of person you’d want to hear a joke from. But just as a human living on the planet earth, you should have a couple favorite jokes in your back-pocket to crack up kids or shock the elderly.
5 Stunts
Those sort of magic-adjacent things that kids or bored people enjoy like balancing forks on a coin on the edge of a glass or burbling a pea.
5 Magic Tricks to Teach
When people find out you do magic, they often want you to teach them a trick. It’s good to have a small handful of tricks with garbage secrets that you don’t mind sharing. One of my go-to tricks to teach people is the one below. It’s a good enough trick to fool them, the secret is mildly interesting, and simple enough for them to remember. But the secret doesn’t really ruin any other tricks in magic.
5 Bar Bets
I don’t actually usually do these in a bar, but goddamn do I hate the term, “Betchas.” So let’s just call them Bar Bets. Simple puzzles, games, and bets with everyday objects. You can find a bunch of these on youtube. Or go for Dan Harlan’s Mindboggler’s or Diamond Jim Tyler’s material if you want to take a deeper dive.
5 Favorites
It amazes me how bad people are at talking about the things they like. “I’m really into music,” they’ll say. “Cool,” I say. “What’s caught your ear recently?” Then they stammer and stutter around for a few minutes until they say, “Oh, yeah, one thing I sort of like is this new Shannon & The Clams album.”
I met a guy who was really into hot sauce the other day and I said, “Nice! I want to try your favorite, what do you recommend?” And he just froze up.
I used to be like this too. Just because—while I enjoy many things—I put no thought into how I might express what I’m enjoying to other people.
Be prepared to talk about the subjects you’re into.
This shouldn’t catch you off guard. You brought the damn subject up. Have something to say about it.
What I like to do is break it down this way. For any given subject I’m into, I’ll think of an all-time favorite, a current favorite, and something I’m looking forward to. And have a sentence or so to say about each.
So, being into music, I’m fully prepared to say a little something about an all-time favorite band, a current favorite band or album, and something I’m looking forward to.
I recommend also doing this for books, tv, and movies. Then you can add at least one other category so you have your five category favorites.
This format works pretty good for any interest. Are you into local cuisine? Well, think of your all-time favorite restaurant in town, a new one you’re really into, and something on the horizon you’re looking forward to.
5 Probing Questions
I don’t mean questions like, “What is the nature of love.” But more-so questions like, “Assuming you wouldn’t get seriously ill in either case, would you rather eat a 1/2 cup of your own shit, or drink four gallons of someone else’s urine?”
5 Tricks for Young Kids
In the past, someone might say to their 7-year-old, “This is Andy. And do you know what… he does magic!” And I would sort of brush aside what they were saying and try to get out of the situation. “Oh, no. Not really. I’m not that kind of magician. I don’t really do kid’s stuff.” What a total fucking turd I was. In my head I was like, “Bu-bu-but what if they see me do something for a kid and they don’t take my seriously!” Like, who cares, dork?
Now I’ll happily show a kid something. But I don’t bother pulling something from my regular repertoire. First, because something that good is usually not necessary for a kid. And second because I now consider it a good thing if I show someone’s kid a trick and the adults nearby underestimate what I can do based on it. That only makes what I may do for them in the future hit harder.
5 Pieces of Origami
I enjoy origami as a sort of meditative practice. I don’t retain a lot of the folds in my memory. But at any given time I’ll have five or so in my head that I can whip out for certain situations. I like to have two or three that are easy enough to teach, and then two or three that are impressive enough to make a nice little instant gift.
Bizarrely, one of the folds I’ve found people like learning the most (perhaps because I teach it to them in some circumstance where it comes in handy) is how to fold a paper cup.
5 Simple Games that Require No Special Apparatus
When you have some significant, unexpected time to kill, having a game you can play with just your words is generally appreciated by a fun crowd.
An example of such a game would be “What Am I Thinking” also known as “Mind Meld.” Two people say any random word/phrase they think of at the same time. Then they do it again, trying to find the word “between” the two words they named originally. They keep trying to find this “midpoint” word until they both say the same word at the same time.
Now, the goal of keeping a list of such things (and your categories would likely be different than mine) is not so you can constantly be cramming them into conversation. It’s so you have easy mental access to them, should the situation call for it.
It’s important to have some level of mastery of normal conversation first. You don’t want to be seen as someone who is relying on gimmicks to interact with people. Ideally you’ll come across as a good conversationalist, but also someone who “has the right tool for the right moment” to bring a different flavor to an interaction when it’s needed.