Dustings of Woofle #17
/I found this screenshot on my desktop and it made me laugh so goddamn hard. I need to explain it first though.
A couple weeks ago I was writing about the Digital Force Bag app, and how corny it is to walk around with a list of random celebrities in your notes app. And as I was writing the post I thought, Well, what would be a good rationale for having a list of celebrities in my notes app? Then I thought it might be funny to have a list called “Celebrities I Fucked.” No hot young starlets, but just like:
Billy Mays
Ed Lover
The Travelocity Roaming Gnome
Zachery Ty Bryan
Joy Behar
And so on.
And you’d wax nostalgic about your former lovers, but mention that one held a very special place in your heart because you had a child together.
You’d lay a photo on the table face-down. They’d name a number, you’d show the celebrity, and the picture would be one of those “what would your child look like” face morphs between you and the celebrity.
I could get some mileage out of something like that.
So I was going to explain this idea in the post and then I was going to show an example of such a photo. I wanted to choose a couple of people readers of this site would recognize, so I chose Joshua Jay and Elvis Presley.
So I went to this site and inserted pictures of Elvis and Josh, and… oh my god. The picture they gave me in return was so hilariously stupid that I decided to excise that part of the post because it would have derailed the whole thing. But I took a screenshot and just stumbled on it again and it made me laugh even harder.
So here it is….
The love child of Elvis Presley and Joshua Jay…
I’m going to put some space here to generate some tension as you scroll down…
here it comes…
hold on, let me quote from the site first…
“Have you tried something like this in the past, but have not been convinced by the results? BabyMaker is not just another face morphing program that stops transformation in the middle and calls it a baby.
Instead, BabyMaker is based on the newest facial recognition technologies. The program carefully analyzes the two faces, detects their facial features, and applies sophisticated mathematical transformations to these facial features to show a totally new face.”
okay, here it comes. A “sophisticated mathematical transformation” “based on the newest facial recognition technologies” showing what the child of Joshua Jay and Elvis Presley would look like…
Here is the lovely young lad…
S.G. wrote in with some interesting additions to the Transporter presentation in the previous post…
The idea with The Transporter is great, especially with Halloween parties coming up, where I and a friend will go as Rick and Morty. An energy transporting wristband just sounds like an invention coming directly from Rick.
Here are some ideas I came up with:
I will buy «electrode cream» (used to increase electrical connection between the Body and EEG machines) and apply it below the wristband. The idea being that there has to be an electrical connection between both hands. It would make the context more interesting and it’s a buy-in for the spectator.
In the coin-phase of the trick I will tell them that I will not make one, but two coins at the same time travel from one hand to the other. Then I will close my fists, wait some seconds and suddenly smoke will come out of my fist. I will frantically ask the spectator to break the connection between my hands. When I open my hands, there is only one coin in my hand left (using a shell) and in the other hand there is a black mark (some ash I applied with my thumb). The idea being, that two coins was too much for the Transporter and one coin got pulverized. Then I will say that the Technology is still not ready but that we can try smaller amounts of energy and go into the second phase of the trick.
Another idea I am considering is building a crazy sci-fi looking device where both wristbands are plugged into. Then I would screw in a small «light bulb» and it will start glowing when both wristbands are connected, increasing in brightness, culminating in a flash and then dying down. Each phase of the trick I would screw in a new light bulb, the idea being that it is used up during the Transportation.
In case there was any doubt about what Jibrizy’s cell phone wallpaper is—it is, in fact, a picture of Jibrizy.
