I Need Your Vote!

Last week, I was surprised to learn that FISM had nominated The Jerx in its newly minted Online Magic category. The winner will be determined by a panel of judges, who will also factor in the results of an online poll.

May I have your vote?

Sorry… I meant to say…

On a completely unrelated note… May I have your vote for my son, Fergus, in Bidiboo’s Cute Baby Contest?

Sweet, beautiful, Fergus could win up to $1500 for his college fund with your help.

As for the FISM award: No thanks. I could not give less of a shit about that. Don’t waste your time voting.

I suppose there’s some universe where I’d be flattered by the nomination. But when the Online Magic category consists of unlistenable podcasts and deserted magic message boards…

…it’s hard to take it too seriously. It doesn’t feel like they were especially discerning.

It’s like if someone said, “Your movie has been nominated for an award!” And you ask, “Oh, what’s it up against?” And they say, “A video your mom took of the inside of her purse when she didn’t realize her phone camera was on. And one of Chuck Berry’s toilet movies.” Probably not the kind of recognition that warrants a get-out-the-vote campaign.

But don’t tell Steve Brooks that. The nomination finally got him off the beanbag chair and active on his own website for the first time in ages, as he begs for your vote.

I hope he wins. I want to be able to say “FISM winner, Steve Brooks.” The real FISM winners would be committing mass suicide just to get the chance to roll over in their grave.

The Magic Café—once a thriving spot to discuss magic, and now a place where the same 6 morons argue all day—winning any kind of award would completely discredit that award. I’m all for it.

I don’t even understand my category.

Are they calling this site a “newsletter”? I do have a newsletter, but they can’t be referring to that. Nobody at FISM is a subscriber.

And they must be referring to Vanishing Inc’s blog too, because their newsletter just talks about what sponge balls were released that week or whatever.

If anything, Best Online Publication or Best Online Writing would have made more sense than "newsletter."

Or better yet—don’t force a bunch of uninspiring nominees into filler categories. Have one category with, like, the three good magic-related things online.

Am I one of those things? Of course. But I still have no interest in these awards. Unless they change the name to:

FISM Presents The Jerx Awards for Excellence in Online Magic.

If I do win this thing, I’m just going to “Sacheen Littlefeather” you all and send someone to lecture you about the treatment of Native Americans in magic demos.

So please—if you’re going to cast a ballot, cast it for someone else.

I’ve already received many other equally prestigious honors for this website—right up there with the FISM Online Magic Award.