Mailbag: Blind Fly

What do you think about this trick? Is there a way to pull this off without offending some people? I think it would make me laugh if I saw it. But is it that different than Baffling Bra or other tricks that some people find offensive? I don’t know what to think. —MM

It’s hard to say. There’s not some line of demarcation where things become offensive.

That’s not how it works.

It’s more like this…

Very few things are always offensive or always inoffensive.

Everything else is audience and performer dependent.

On two different occasions, when I had an office job, co-workers were reprimanded by human resources for doing or saying something inappropriate. And both of those times the guys said to HR, “I was just making a joke. Why doesn’t Andy get written up for the things he does?” And they went on to repeat a litany of awful things I had said or done in the office. The woman who ran HR (who told me about these incidents) told them, “He doesn’t get written up because no one has ever complained.”

I have some sort of gene that allows me to identify how far I can push things, and with whom. Or I have a pheromone that causes people to laugh at what I say and not get worked up about it. I don’t know. Whatever it is, I don’t know that it’s something that can be taught.

Props like this, or even the Baffling Bra, are at worst mildly risqué. But the problem is, many magicians already come across as creeps regardless of what they’re doing. If you add any element of “lewdness” to the interaction, then that’s only going to exacerbate the creepiness.

In reality, there is probably no kid in the world who would be offended by this. And if you’re performing for all adults, they’ll understand it’s a joke as well. It’s when you’re performing for kids and there are adults in the room that you’d be most likely to have an issue. Regardless of whether they know it’s a joke or not, there’s going to be a certain amount of adults who won’t think the trick is appropriate for kids.

It’s somewhat understandable. Unfortunately, magicians have a rich history of shoving kids faces into their underwear. Usually, in that case, the performer is wearing the underwear. But either way, there are going to be adults who just aren’t okay with anything even on the edge of sexuality (even if a bunch of 8-year-olds don’t really see it that way).

Theatrically, it’s probably funnier to use on yourself anyway. And then if anyone gets offended, they’re just being ridiculous.

Blindfold yourself before you’re going to read someone’s mind or something. Then immediately start sniffing the air.

Sniff Sniff Sniff

Let an unpleasant look come across your face.

Continue on with your patter, but every now and again turn to speak to someone on the side of the stage and say, as an aside, “Is someone cutting up durian for the fruit salad?”

Or, “Is there a sewage leak?”

Or, “Did someone put the cat’s litter box in the oven thinking it was a tray of lasagna?”

So you’re alternating your patter with little asides about some horrible thing you’re smelling.

Eventually you can’t take it anymore and come to the front of the stage—still blindfolded.

“Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I hate to stop the show. But obviously someone is playing an awful trick on me. The moment I put on this blindfold, someone decided to start tormenting me by unleashing some god awful, putrid smell into the air. At first I thought maybe it was just a coincidence. But it’s now clear that someone is targeting me with this putrid smell and they think they can take advantage of me because I’m blindfolded. I’m not sure what the scent is… It smells like maybe the rotting corpse of a guy whose intestines burst after he consumed too many deviled eggs. And I don’t know how you’re directing that smell at me. But if you don’t stop this torture, I will stop the show. Okay?" Wait a moment. Take a big inhale. “That’s it. Show’s over. I won’t be subjected to this anymore.”

Pull off the blindfold. Notice it’s underwear. Wrinkle your forehead as it dawns on you what’s going on. Give the underwear a quick whiff. Control yourself from vomiting.

By making yourself the victim, you get to play the moment for more than just a brief laugh, and up the ante on how gross it actually is to have this pair of underwear around your face. And if anyone says they’re offended by it, you can just tell them to fuck off.