Mailbag: Hitting on the Bakery Girl
/Two weeks ago this cute girl started working at a bakery near my university. Since I saw her there the first time I haven’t gone back in because I want to make an impression on her when I do. Is there a trick you do for cashiers or people behind a counter in circumstances like this? Is this a situation for the Distracted Artist presentation or something like that?—TJA
I’m getting down on my knees and slowly unzipping your pants. I gently pull out your cock and balls. Looking up at you, I take the tip between my lips. I slide you in deeper, feeling you growing hard in my mouth.
Uhm… what’s going on, Andy?
I’m making a point.
My point is, even if you like brilliantly written erotica like I just gave you, that doesn’t mean you want to be surprised with it.
You can like magic, and still not want to have to deal with that shit while you’re trying to do your job. And that’s if she likes magic. You don’t know. She may think it sucks.
I will certainly perform for a bored barista or bartender, but I don’t really spring it on them. The performance will naturally evolve out of conversation. When dealing with a counter-person, there really isn’t that chance for it to evolve.
Also, whether she likes it or not, whether it’s a good trick or not, the interaction will still have the feeling of, “Oh, I guess he came in here with a trick prepped to show me so that he could impress me.” You don’t want to look that thirsty.
If you walk into a shop and randomly do a trick for the counter person, it will come off as:
You do this for every counter person you run into. Which is lame.
or
You did this specifically for her—this stranger who you don’t know—which is creepy.
You don’t want to be seen as putting too much effort into people you don’t yet know. Once someone is a friend or a romantic partner, they will be flattered to have you put effort into the relationship. With a stranger, though, it’s weird.
So no. I wouldn’t do a trick in this circumstance. That’s the bad news.
The good news is, daddy does have some advice for you.
Over the years, I have dated three girls I met when they were behind the counter of a bakery (or similar).
This isn’t, like, a goal of mine or something. I guess it just happens because I spend a lot of time in bakeries and make conversation with the person behind the counter.
Two of the times I initiated something with a woman behind the counter at a bakery, it went like this…
And I should say, this isn’t a “strategy.” It’s not like I went in there planning to do this. It just sort of naturally played out this way twice (over the course of, like, a decade).
I enter the bakery and look around. It’s not super crowded.
I look through all the baked goods on display. When I get to the end, I loop back to the beginning and look them over again.
“Can I help you?” she says.
“Hmmm… yes… I just don’t know yet.”
“Okay, just let me know when you know what you want.”
After another half-minute or so, I say, “Actually, can you do me a favor? Just pick out your three favorite items for me. I can’t decide.”
They might need a little talking into this idea. They might say, “Well… what type of stuff do you like?”
“Oh, everything really. That’s the problem, it all looks so good. I trust your judgment.”
Eventually she will box up her three favorite items.
As she’s ringing me up, I say, “What’s your name, by the way?”
“Rose,” she says.
I introduce myself to her then say, “This looks great, I can’t wait to try the Rose Sampler.”
I leave.
A week or so later, I come back in and greet her by name (and remind her of my name). I mention how much I liked the stuff she picked out and how I’m coming in now to get at least one of her recommendations again.
This interaction got the conversation rolling, which—over time—snowballed into a relationship.
As far as fringe benefits go, there’s not much that beats dating a girl who works at a bakery and stops by after work to bring you cupcakes and cookies.
As I said, this was never a planned interaction. It came about naturally due to my indecision around baked goods and my habit of asking people who work places for their help/advice. I’m sure there are some universal truths here. Talk to them. Look them in the eye. Get their name. Remember their name. Ask their advice and take it. Etc.
In most situations, that’s probably a solid plan of action.
Better than showing them a trick, I think.
And certainly better than getting all nervous and peeing your pants a little and thinking up good lines you should have said to her while you’re falling asleep later that night.
Or walking in and saying, “I hear you’ve got a big ol’ cake. And I want to bury my face in it.”