About That 5-Year-Anniversary Post
/So here’s what was supposed to happen.
On May 24th, people were supposed to come to this site to find my five year anniversary post. They were supposed to read the first couple of paragraphs and think, “Wait… is he really going to reveal who he is?” Then they were supposed to start the video and hear a strange voice and wonder, “Hmm… is this really happening?” And then the video would reveal…Derren Brown! And everyone would go…
And that was meant to be the end of it.
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When I pitched the idea to Derren I wrote…
BTW, the five year anniversary of my site is coming up later this month. I was wondering if you'd be willing to record a video where you "reveal" yourself as the person behind the site. (People would get that it's a joke.)
That last point, as it turns out, wasn’t accurate. A lot of people didn’t get that it was a joke. A lot of people thought it was likely a joke, but that maybe there was some chance it was true. And even most of the people who were certain it wasn’t true still wrote as if I had intended for it to be believed, but they just weren’t falling for it.
But I wasn’t trying to fool anyone. i wasn’t even trying to raise the question that maybe, just maybe, I really was Derren Brown. I was just trying to make an amusing post.
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One email I received said:
I can’t wait to see what the punchline is to this “I’m Derren Brown” gag.
My response was:
I thought "I'm Derren Brown" was the punchline.
Now, I’m sure most regular readers of this site took that post in the spirit it was intended. I’m not suggesting everyone believed it. But I was honestly surprised that there was even a question about the nature of the post.
I think the reason the reaction caught me off guard was because, in order to believe it was possibly true, you would have to disbelieve almost everything else I’ve told you about myself for five years.
If I wrote a blog about my attempts to make it in stand-up comedy and I detailed my open-mic night performances and then five years into it I said, “Okay, here’s the truth. I’m Bill Cosby.” I feel like I wouldn’t have to come back later and let people know I was just kidding.
And yes, Derren Brown is to magic what Bill Cosby is to comedy. They are perfectly analogous in every single possible way.
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Derren seemed to get a kick out of people believing it was really him. I told him he should have been insulted. I mean, I was flattered that anyone would think maybe the blog was written by one of the finest performers and minds in the history of the art. But to even consider that possibility, you would have to assume he was a psychopath, verging on schizophrenic, to devote five years and millions of words to creating this fake persona.
Personally, I put all the blame on Derren for how things went. He came off too sincere. (Adeptness at feigning sincerity. Another sign of psychopathy.) I gave him two potential scripts. One was pretty much the straightforward one that he did. And then I had a more “jokey” version.
But even with the non-jokey one, I thought having him say, “My name is Derren and I’m a magician from England,” would be enough of an understatement that even people who didn’t know this site would realize it must be a joke..
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Here was the other script:
Surprise. Yes, it's me, Derren Brown. Famed mentalist, magician, raconteur. Twice as many twitter followers as Criss Angel.
And yes. I'm the man behind The Jerx empire.
I know you have a lot of questions, and I'm sure we'll get to all of them in time. But today I'll answer the main two.
Why the name Andy? Well obviously if I used the name "Derren" that would have been too much of a giveaway. So the name Andy was used to protect my identity but also as a nod to a dear friend, and someone to whom I feel I owe much of my success... Andy Schlomowitz, the sensei at my dojo.
Why start an anonymous blog at all? The truth is, I just needed a place to be me. The real me. For almost 20 years now I've been living a sort of Chung Ling Soo scenario where I've been forced to play a part. The BBC wanted an effete, homosexual, mentalist "character" in order to push whatever sick agenda they have. So that's the role I've been playing. I sold my soul for success. Starting the Jerx was a way to speak my true voice.
Of course, coming out like this may destroy what I've built both as Derren and Andy. Which is why I've loaded this video with neuro-linguistic-programming to make you forget you ever saw it.
[Slowly]Forget
[snap your fingers] you ever
[snap your fingers] saw it.
[snap your fingers.]
In closing, I just want to thank all of the people who have supported The Jerx these past five years. It's been said that genius isn't usually recognized in its own time. But I think you all are showing that not to be true. Thank you.
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Now, you might ask why I didn’t just let people think whatever they wanted. Regardless of what my intentions were, why not just let them believe it was true if that’s what they were inclined to believe?
Well, there are a few reasons. One philosophical and three practical.
The philosophical one is something I’ve talked about a lot on this site: the idea that I’m not into fooling people into genuinely believing something that isn’t true. To me that’s the opposite of magic.
And while this wasn’t a magic trick, it had similar elements.
I think the people who probably enjoyed the reveal the most were those who knew there was no chance it was real but still allowed themselves to indulge the idea a little.
One email I got echoed this:
I get it now. You’ve talked about feeling vs belief a lot and it was so great to finally experience it. I’m 100% certain you’re not Derren Brown but the fanciful part of my brain keeps thinking, “But what if he is?”
The three practical reasons for not just letting people believe it were these:
The site was getting too much traffic. I’ve always wanted a small site with a small audience.
People were buying more stuff from the site, and I would have to reach out to them and be like, “You do know I’m not Derren Brown, right?” Because I didn’t want someone buying something because they thought I was.
I was getting way too many genuine, heartfelt emails from people writing me as if I was Derren. (Likely because Derren ad-libbed the line that they should “say hi if our paths have crossed.” Well…who are they going to say hi to? Not him. They don’t have his email. So they came to me. I should have just run with it and tried to get them to send me nude photographs and make Derren seem like a real creep.)
That’s why I pulled the Mac King ripcord. I hadn’t planned on doing another “reveal” but I wanted to put an end to it, and that was my solution. And I’m glad it worked out that way because Mac’s delivery in that video cracks me up.
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Of course, then people wanted me to do more videos with more magicians claiming to be the person behind this site. The concept of “diminishing returns” is not something a lot of magicians have a firm grasp on.
In my opinion, the joke would have quickly worn itself out. Derren and Mac are a good 1-2 punch. I didn’t want to keep it going and eventually I’m stuck with some guy who lasted two episodes on America’s Got Talent in 2017.
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The idea of doing a fake reveal on this site was one I had for a long time. A couple years ago I asked Steve Brooks if he would record a video revealing himself to be the person behind the site. He told me he was “too busy.”
So… think about that. Derren Brown was able to squeeze it in, but Steve was a bit too busy to record a 45 second video. Hey, good for him. He put me in my place. He’s too busy for my foolishness. He’s got a lot on his plate (and not just at the Hometown Buffet).
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And, I guess I should have anticipated this, but the whole situation also led to greater inquiry about who I am. This is a little strange to me. What’s the goal there? “I need to find out who this random guy is!”
It would be one thing if I was writing this blog from a position of authority, and doing so anonymously. If I said, “I won’t reveal who I am, but I’m a well known magician and this is how magic should be performed,” or if I said, “I won’t reveal who I am, but I’m actually a very successful gambling cheat and here are my secrets,” well, then I would sort of understand the inclination to uncover who I am. But all I’ve ever said is, “I’m an amateur magician, performing for friends and family. Here are some ideas I’ve had success with.”
“C’mon…Let’s get this guy!!!!”
Now, I know numbers-wise it’s only a small percentage who are actively interested in uncovering who I am. But it’s still annoying.
If you read this site regularly, and especially if you’re a supporter who gets the books, you know I share personal performing experiences. But it’s only by being anonymous that I can afford to be so open. Do you think if I was writing under my full name I would be willing to detail the real interactions I have with people? Of course not. When I can maintain my—and my friend’s—anonymity, I can be more candid.
And, of course, if I wrote under my own name eventually it would get around to the people in my life and then every time I show them something they’d think, “Oh, is he going to write up my reaction for his blog?” And I’d never get a genuine response from anyone again. So the site can really only work if I maintain some anonymity.
And trust me, your searching wouldn’t lead to any satisfying answers. I already have people who handle the logistics of the site who are happy to take credit for it. So if you do a little bit of digging you’ll find someone who says, “Yup, it’s me. You figured it out.” And if you do a little more digging you’ll find another person who tells you, “Okay, you did it. You found the real me. Please don’t tell.” And if you waterboard that person, they’ll give you a name and that person will say, “I never thought the day would come. Yes… you’ve finally found me.” But they’ll be lying too. So it’s just a series of dead ends disguised as answers that you can never really be happy with.
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I’m not famous. I’m not someone you’ve heard of. I’m just a random guy who does a lot of performing for people in amateur/social situations. That’s all. I promise you.
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Or, maybe I’m Derren Brown and I regretted coming clean and now I’m trying to play it off as if it was all a joke.
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No. Seriously. I’m not him.
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Also, if you didn’t hear. My tour has been rescheduled for 2021
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Sorry. Mistyped there. Derren’s tour has been rescheduled for 2021.