Dustings of Woofle #23

This is the final scheduled post for this season of The Jerx. The 2020 season will begin sometime in February, if the supporters want to keep it going.

I’ll be checking in every week or two to give an update on the status of the rewards packages for the 2019 supporters. As of now, everything is right on schedule for a late Jan/early Feb delivery date. Maybe sooner. Once all the elements have arrived and I know the weight of the final package, I’ll send out the email to collect your addresses and the shipping fee.

There will also be an issue of X-Comm coming to supporters in late January.

And I’ll be stopping by with one or two non-magic posts as well in the next month, including a post on some of my favorite music from 2019, for those who are into that sort of thing.

Let’s try not to miss each other too much while I’m gone, okay? This break will be good for us, baby, I swear.

Ellusionist… rip-off artists?

Back in the 90s there were these videotapes that were sold on TV that purportedly showed some “mysteries of the paranormal” or something like that.

My friends and I made some “funny” videos parodying these at that time. In one of them a friend of mine played a guy who could guess ESP symbols, just so long as they were written in black marker on loose-leaf paper that was backlit.

Here is a gif of my friend Pat, as the science researcher, testing the subject, looking very impressed, and helping him out by holding the paper to the light which the subject said, “increased [his] psychic abilities.”

And what does Ellusionist do? They fucking totally rip us off with the ESP cards in their new “How to Read Minds” kit! For shame!

And they didn’t even credit us! What the hell?

You might say, “Andy, is it possible that the ESP cards from Ellusionist are actually more see-thru than magic-marker on a single layer of loose-leaf paper?” Amazingly, yes.

I sometimes play a game with my friends called, “What’s the worst song to fuck to?”

Well, the game has ended. We all lose.

Does anyone know if Meir Yedid is micro-dosing psilocybin? I think his dosage might be off. His recent newsletter seems a little… detached from reality.

Here he seems to suggest that using a ping-pong ball will somehow make a ball and vase seem like a normal prop.

Hmmm. “What we have here is a normal, everyday, ping pong ball. And, of course, wherever you find a ping pong ball, you’ll find a standard hand-spun ping pong ball vase made of a singe piece of exotic wood.”

By the way, if you want to do ball and vase with a truly normal object, something your mom likely has in her bedside drawer, see this post.

What’s even stranger is Meir’s description of the “Magician Badge.”

I’m not quite sure what constitutes a “real Magician Badge.” I guess it’s as real as this badge which identifies you as an Official Pecker Checker with the Department of Erections.

“It adds a level of credibility to magicians.”

Huh? How so? I just thought this guy was some goofy dope… until he pulled out a badge identifying him as a magician, then I realized how wrong I had been.

“It causes a moment of panic, followed by relief and laughter.”

Really? Is that how it would play out? You “walk up to strangers,” and flash a badge and they “panic”? Oh, goddammit, you found me, officer. I’m the East Area Rapist. Huh? What’s that? Oh, you’re a magician. Oh, thank god. Relief and laughter ensues.

Ellusionist’s target audience age is 15 or so. On the fake credit card they give you with their mentalism kit, it says the card is valid from 10/89 (so they can get in the 1089 force).

That makes sense.

“Yeah, so 15 years before I was born, I applied for a credit card. It’s never too early to establish good credit.”

Then if they’re like, “What kind of fake credit card doesn’t have your name on it?” You can say, “I wasn’t born yet, stupid. I hadn’t been named. How are they going to put my name on the credit card when I am a formless spirit living in the void of the pre-existence?”

Both the “Magicians Badge” and the credit card have 1089 force reveals. If you don’t have either product and are desperate to do the 1089 trick, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

In the preview for Melissabeth’s video on my fake porn magic revelation site My Sex Tutor, you have the revelation for the 37 force, circle/triangle force, 1089 force, and grey elephant in Denmark force.

You’re welcome!

This quote from the back of the gimmicked Dracula book in Ellusionist’s kit made me laugh.

They didn’t write it, they just copied and pasted it from a poorly written site online.

One of, the most famous vampires? How unsure of yourself do you have to be that you feel you need to hedge a little on the subject of who the most famous vampire is?

“I don’t want to commit too hard to Dracula’s level of fame in the world of vampire literature. I can’t really assess who is or who isn’t famous. How would you quantify such a thing? There are a whole bunch of individuals we think of when we think of famous vampires. Sure, Dracula is definitely one of those. Then there’s… well… Count Chocula, of course. And who could forget, ‘David,’ Kiefer Sutherland’s character from the novelization of the movie The Lost Boys. All of these vampires need to be in the conversation for most famous.”

For everyone who celebrates the holiday, I hope you have a really wonderful Christmas (and if not, I hope you have a relaxing and enjoyable end to 2019).

If you get overwhelmed by this time of year, then I recommend this technique for focusing on the positive. You don’t have to concern yourself with having a perfect holiday season. Just look for those three highlights to carry with you going forward.

Take care. I’ll check back in with you soon. Merry Christmas!