Dustings 93: Douchebag Edition

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On Twitter this week, noted dipshit, Uri Geller, tried to present props from an old X-Files episode as evidence of alien life…

By the way, here’s my take on Uri Geller. I think anyone who pretends to be real is a complete loser. His big innovation in performing was to be so fucking boring that people assumed maybe he was legit. “Certainly no one doing this for entertainment would be such a dullard, right?” His most memorable tv appearance was one where he totally flopped. He’s spent his entire life feeling like he’s not “enough”—something probably instilled in him when he was a child. Any attention or admiration he’s received has been from pretending to be something he’s not—a psychic, an insider to the alien cover-up, etc.—and it likely tears him up inside, if he has the capacity for any self-reflection.

His life is a grim deal. Imagine being an opportunist star-fucker who has devoted your life to chasing fame, and you have 1/20th the Instagram followers as some Z-list chick from the umpteenth season of a cheesy reality show who is most notable for selling her farts.

Almost as pathetic as Uri himself is the weird simping that has happened for him in the magic community in the past few years. “Actually… Uri was pretty good!” No, he wasn’t and isn’t. As a person, he’s a creep. As a performer, he’s a total snooze.

Paul McKee Has Been Kicked Out of the GLOMM

Whenever I read an article about a magician fucking children (which is something that happens enough for me to start this sentence with “whenever” rather than “once” or “both times”) I always search my email box for the name and pray this person isn’t going to be a Jerx reader or GLOMM elite member.

Fortunately, this has never been the case. Unlike the IBM or SAM, I keep sex criminals out of my ranks. And this newest depraved monster posing as a magician is someone completely unfamiliar to me.

The Echo, a Liverpool newspaper and alliteration fan-site, reports:

“Kids' entertainer 'Professor Paulos' unmasked as 'predatory paedophile'“

With typical headline-writer dignity, you can tell they were a breath away from writing something like: Professor Paulos picked a peck of prepubescent prey for perverted pleasures.

Professor Paulos is the stage name which Paul McKee used when performing for children.

McKee was convicted of 13 sex offenses and abusing seven girls, including toddlers, over a 24-year period.

According to the article, One woman left the courtroom in floods of tears saying "I'm going to pay someone to kill him, I want the fucking bastard dead" as the judge passed sentence.

Well, good news, it looks like the check cleared—at least partially— as a couple of weeks later someone kicked the shit out of him in prison, breaking his jaw, ribs, and vertebrae.

Eat shit, Mckee. You’re out of the GLOMM.