Mailbag: Bullies/Hecklers
/Hey, I'm probably one of your younger readers. [Irrelevant personal detail.] I'm still in high school and I've been trying to follow your advice about performing more. Most of the time it’s great but sometimes people make shitty comments. It's like heckling I guess but since we’re in school it feels more like bullying. They don’t try to reveal my tricks, it’s just general comments about the trick (or me) being stupid or lame. Do you have any tips for a comeback or a trick to shut them down?—TH
You can search “heckler” on this site for examples of how I handle such people on the rare occasions I encounter them.
For your particular situation, the best idea is to avoid performing when people like that are around. You want to be cultivating a group of people who are into seeing what you do, not spending your time dealing with some douchebag who doesn’t like it (or feels threatened by it).
If you can’t avoid it, then you shouldn’t be looking for a comeback to “shut them down” and certainly not a trick.
If someone says something shitty to you, your first instinct might be to say something shitty back. Your next instinct might be to ignore it. These are bad ideas, especially if you are in some way “lower status” than them (less popular, physically smaller, etc.).
If you do those things then you’re giving them what they want. You’re showing them they affected you and “hurt” you in a manner where you felt the need to lash out or shut down.
Instead, think of it like this… have you ever had, like, a 2-year-old cousin start punching you in the shoulder? And you might sarcastically play along like he’s hurting you. “Oww, stop, noooo, you broke my arm.”
This is the attitude you can bring to these types of interactions where someone is being verbally rude or aggressive with you.
So if Todd is like, “What a fucking magic-dork you are.”
You just put your hand on your heart and let a phony pained expression come across your face. “Todd, how could you say such an awful thing!” Then immediately drop the pained attitude and turn to someone else and engage them in conversation.
This lets Todd know:
I heard you
I understand what you were intending to do with your remark
I really don’t give a shit
You can also steal a line from my friend Tim, who will often say this, in mock offense…
"YOU say THAT to ME?”
He says it like he’s the queen.
He says it as if every element is appalling to him.
That YOU would have something to say.
That it would be THAT.
And that you’d say it to ME.
Pretending to be offended when someone is genuinely trying to offend you is about the best thing you can do. Especially if that person feels they’re superior to you in some way.
This is actually a devastating psychological ploy. If someone is trying to get you to feel any emotion (happy, upset, aroused, etc.) and you want to destroy them, just obviously pretend to feel the emotion they were trying to produce.
The email writer is in high school, so imagine you waited all year to approach a girl you like. You go up to her and say, “You look really nice today.” It would hurt if she made a face or just turned away, or otherwise rejected you in some way. But what would really make you shrivel up is if she acknowledged it by sarcastically pretending to care. “Oooohh… gee thanks. How will I even be able to sleep tonight after getting such a great compliment from such a cool guy? Oh wow. Is the room spinning or am I falling in love?”