More "How to Read Minds" Thoughts

I’ve been thinking about Ellusionist's beginner's mentalism kit the past few days. There was something about the advertising for the set that was nagging at me. I've had mentalism on my mind a lot because I just finished up the next book, TOY, which is about mentalism performed socially. And my approach in that book is quite the opposite of what’s said or implied in the kickstarter for their mentalism kit. I mean, like literally 180 degrees opposite. For example, their ad states their kit is for:

"The normal, everyday person who wants to be anything but normal."

Whereas the first step in the process I suggest in the book in regards to how to present mentalism socially is under the heading: "Be normal."

And that's just one example. So I was wondering how we came to such different conclusions.

I think I know the answer.

My first clue was something Peter says in the video that I couldn’t stop thinking about…

Huh? No. I have literally never had those thoughts in my life. In fact, quite the opposite. I always figure I’m pretty much one of the more interesting people in any room I’m in. I look in the mirror and think, “Goddamn…you’re a delight.” While I am not, by nature, a social butterfly, when I decide to turn on the charm, I can connect with pretty much anyone.

Now, you may think, “Well, then I have nothing to learn from you. You don’t face the same challenges I do. That’s why I’m going to buy this kit from Ellusionist.”

Okay, sure, I get that. I encourage you to get that kit. But you also may benefit from hearing an outsider’s perspective.

Ellusionist’s pitch here is this: You don’t have a great personality. You’re completely adrift when it comes to interacting with people. Buy this kit and it will make you interesting.

That’s me summarizing their pitch, but it’s not me reading into it. They state it in very clear language. It’s in the ad itself, and it’s the very last line of the pitch video:

It’s “charisma in a box,” they say. Their target audience is those who are boring or fear they’re boring.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling that way. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to take steps to avoid feeling that way. The mistake is thinking that your answers are in a beginner’s mentalism kit.

I want you to imagine you’re at a restaurant or bar. You’ve just pulled out your gimmicked magic book and read someone’s mind. They are completely blown away. They buy you a drink. They pat you on the back. “What a totally not boring guy you are!” they say.

What happens three minutes after you tell them the word in the book that they’re thinking of? You’re still the same guy who resorted to a literal “box of tricks” because you couldn’t carry on an interesting conversation without it. What’s the plan moving forward? You just sort of sit there in silence I guess? Or just keep talking about that book trick over and over? Or do you say, “Hold on, let me go get something else from my box.”

If your personality and the manner in which you engage people is built around some tricks you did, you’re doomed in the long term. Your tricks should be an adjunct to your personality, not a substitute for it.

Will it get you some free drinks? You know, I think it probably will. Know what else will? Going in and balancing a barstool on your face.

There's something that feels very transactional about showing strangers magic without establishing yourself as a real human first. There's a sense of, "The monkey did his trick, now the monkey gets his treat."

If your goal is free drinks, then showing up and performing some tricks is likely a good route to take and I'm sure Ellusionist's kit will help you towards that goal. But... is that your goal?

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While watching the video, I realized why the approach offered here is so different from what I’ve found has worked for me. It dawned on me the second time Peter turned to the camera and excitedly pointed out that people were bringing over other people to see some mentalism. A bunch more strangers were coming over to meet the magician. He was smiling. It seemed like he thought this was a good thing. For me that sounds like such a hassle.

Why? Ah... here's what it all comes down to.

When you perform, is your goal recognition or is it connection?

I'm making no judgment on these. I'm only suggesting that they are different goals. And that the way to achieve one is often at cross-purposes to the other.

My style is generally anti-recognition. I want to perform in a way that takes the spotlight off of me. This is much more difficult in mentalism, because almost by definition it’s designed to be a demonstration of your own power. My style of mentalism, as discussed in TOY, is to try and undermine that and include the spectators as much as possible. For the most part, I'm not looking to get drinks or adulation from strangers. I want to take the focus from me and put it on the spectator, or the conversation, or the rapport, or the shared experience. This is not what you want to do if you want recognition or to build your name as a performer. So of course the methods I use in presentation will be different than what Brad and Peter are offering.

When I perform magic or mentalism for people, I have no desire for them to grab others to come see me perform. That would be a failure for me. Instead I want to increase the interpersonal gravity between me and the people I perform for. What does that mean? I'm not sure, I just made up the term.

What I'm saying is, my goal isn't to go from this…

To this…

My goal is to go from this…

To this…

Ideally, after I perform for people socially, I want them to pull in—almost turn their back on everyone else there—and feel like we had this unique, cool interaction that was about us. (I say "ideally," because obviously that's not a standard I can always meet.) I'm not wanting them to think, "Ah, that was great! Let's have him do it again for more people!"

If you're having difficulty understanding the distinction here, imagine you wrote a love letter to someone. You would probably want them to say, "Oh my god. This is amazing. Thank you." And for them to feel a stronger bond with you.

You probably wouldn't be looking for this reaction. "Oh my god. This is amazing. You have to write a love letter to my friend Susan too!"

Again, I'm not suggesting connection is a better goal than recognition. It’s a matter of who you’re performing for. I’m generally performing for people I already know and like, or for people I want to know better. So for me it makes sense to not try and make myself look good, but to focus on the experience or the connection. However, there are some times where I don’t really give a shit about the people I’m performing for and I just think, “Let’s blow these bozos away,” and in that situation I’m going to use an effect that is more focused on impressing people.

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I’m actually trying to help Ellusionist here. They’ve sold over 1000 of these kits. Wouldn’t it be great if 1000 people were super happy with what they bought? I believe a full understanding of the two main points I wrote about in this post can help us achieve that goal.

Point #1: Manage your expectations. If you’re a total bore, there’s a chance this kit will keep you from being boring… right up until the trick is over. Then you’re fucked again. Magic/mentalism won’t make you entertaining in the long term. You’re going to need a different set of techniques for that. But that’s a discussion for another blog.

What it may do—which is also valuable—is help you get out of your shell a little and give you an excuse to interact with people. And from there you will hopefully find that’s it’s not that difficult and you’re not actually as dull as you might believe (or as Ellusionist’s advertising would suggest.)

Point #2: In the video and ad for this kit, they mention getting free drinks over ten times. It’s almost like they’re presenting mentalism as a needlessly complicated way to get drunk. I have no doubt that you will witness Peter impress people with his mentalism and get free drinks. But one thing to consider is that the way you perform magic for strangers to get them to buy you drinks may not be the same way you would perform for people you know in order to enhance your connection (and no, making people cry isn’t the same as “enhancing your connection”). So you may get more from this set if you take the advice given and then filter it through a different approach to performing (assuming you have different goals).

Again, I’m just trying to be helpful. Obviously Ellusionist wants to pump out as many of these as possible. So their kickstarter is full of stuff like this:

• Captivate ANY customer

• Be a stud, instead of a third wheel

• Boost your tips

• Make meeting people easier (especially dates)

• Get known as "the most interesting kid at school"

That’s good rhetoric for making sales, but not necessarily great for setting realistic expectations of a kit that includes a fakey-looking credit card and a 40 cent “invisible ink” pen.

If you go into this expecting a decently fun beginner’s mentalism kit, I think you’ll be satisfied. If you go into it thinking this is going to contain some life-altering tricks and gimmicks, I think you are setting yourself up for the most disappointing opening of a box since the movie Se7en.