I Was Wrong. The Ellusionist Kickstarter Mentalism Kit is the Greatest Product in the History of Magic.

A friend who read an early draft of this post said,

"I don't understand this post at all. It makes no sense. If I'm being honest, I'd say it looks like you just had some Max Maven gifs burning a hole in your pocket and wrote this whole post to shoehorn them in there.”

WHATTTTT??!!!! I mean... seriously? The fact that anyone would think I would write something just for the sake of posting Max Maven memes is ludicrous. "Hello! Table for one at the loony bin!” That's what you should be saying, at an insane asylum that is also a restaurant, because that's what you are if you think that I'd do that: insane.

And no, Ellusionist did not pay me $1800 to write a favorable post about them. That's absurd.

The fact of the matter is, I sat with my thoughts about that Ellusionist beginner's mentalism kit and read the ad very closely. Then I went into the woods and quietly meditated on it. Then I consulted my pastor. Then I did some journaling on the subject. And after a lot of soul searching I realized I was wrong in my initial assessment. It is unreservedly the greatest product in the history of magic.

Look, when I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong. And I was wrong about this. I thought it was a cash-grab by Ellusionist. Putting a bunch of basic mentalism props in a black box with a skull and pitching it to the lonely, the awkward, and the virginal.

I think what I failed to understand was that this isn't a box of mentalism tricks. After giving their kickstarter a much closer read (as I will do in this post), I realized this is something that will change your whole life.

From the kickstarter: "The How To Read Minds Kit is LIFE CHANGING. Open the box and discover….what these secrets do for you. But don’t open it if you don’t want your life to change. Who knew that a dumb 99 plunked down in a Kickstarter event could do so much?"

(No. That quote isn't edited. They put those ellipses in the middle of that sentence, I didn’t cut anything out. You might say you have... no clue as to why. It doesn't make... any fucking sense grammatically or as far as.... expressing an emotion with their writing. Well, well, well... I guess you've never hired someone off Fiverr who speaks English as a fourth language to write your ad copy for you.)

The kit is also described as being "Charisma in a box." This probably strikes you as odd given that the only time "charisma" and "ellusionist" have been used together in a sentence in the past is to say something like, "That guy from Ellusionist has all the charisma of a cement parking barrier." In fact, some of you would argue the mere notion of "charisma in a box" suggests a company that:

A) Doesn't understand the concept of charisma
or
B) Has no issue preying on people with no self-esteem.

Oh yeah? Well, have you ever considered the possibility that BOTH might be true? Didn't think of that, did you, smart guy? So don't go around pretending you know everything.

From the kickstarter: "Ellusionist followed the path of the intuitive, the glam-packed, but NATURAL way of ‘styling’ magic.”

I know you're probably thinking, "Is that supposed to mean something? Or did lightning strike a refrigerator and the magnetic poetry kit on the freezer door got demagnetized and fell to the floor and someone swept up the jumble of words and transcribed them before tossing them in the garbage can?" No! That's not what happened at all. That's a perfectly coherent paragraph. No words go together more than "glam-packed but NATURAL.” That's just a totally reasonable description of something. It is for me, at least. Here's my driver's license photo.

Glam-packed, and natural.

From the kickstarter: "Gone are top hats and tails, gone are the doves. Let them fly back to the 50’s where they came from. We put the magician on the street in jeans and a tshirt, doing miracles. We made magicians into ROCKSTARS."

Up until 2001, when Ellusionist started, all magicians were wearing top hats and tails and doing dove magic. We all were. Ellusionist changed all that. With their completely unique style.

No they, just ripped off David Blaine.

Oh, come on. What are you basing that on? Facts and chronology? The fact that Blaine’s first special came out four years before Ellusionist started as a company? That’s what you’re basing this on? Something you saw on television?

Exactly, Max.

I'm not saying Ellusionist hasn't had their issues in the past, but now they are not just mass-marketing magic to anyone who wants it, they're also providing really sound performance theory:

From the kickstarter: "Magic, and more importantly mind-reading, is meant to be done naturally, almost as an afterthought. Let it just 'occur'. Let your miracles out of the box slowly. There’s no need to pound the table for attention. You’ll never do that again. From now on when you speak, people listen. You will remain connected to those around you, but on another level. Don’t buy this kit if you don’t want that."

So true! Here’s an example of that natural/afterthought style. This is for one of those natural situations where you have a business card on you. And a pen. And an envelope. And another envelope that’s slightly bigger. Typical stuff you would carry with you every day. Then you just throw that all together, casually. I like the person to write down the word, seal it in an envelope, then seal that in another envelope, and only at that point do I subtly suggest that we could maybe do a trick with this particular circumstance. “You know, I just had a thought. An afterthought, if you will. Maybe I should read your mind of the word I had you write down on a business card and put in an envelope and then into another envelope. What a complete crazy afterthought to have just now in this moment. Totally unplanned.”

There’s no doubt that a super casual trick like this will blow people away. And there is something so beautiful about the look of surprise an effect like that can produce on someone’s face.

From the kickstarter: “You know those basketball games where they pick someone out of the crowd at halftime and give them a shot at the basket for some $50,000 prize?  Can they get the ball in the basket?  If they do, their life changes.  The butterfly moves it’s [sic] wings in America and life changes in China.  The crowd waits on pins and needles.  The ‘player’ shoots their shot and everybody draws a breath and holds it.

That’s exactly how WE’RE waiting on YOU now.  Our breath is drawn, sharply.”

Again, such strong writing. Sure, some of you might suggest that a person’s life changing because of something big and direct like winning $50,000 is the complete and total opposite of the butterfly effect, but that’s just because you don’t understand the poetry of an Ellusionist kickstarter. I suggest you take the night off and really immerse yourself in the beauty of their ad.

Okay, I didn’t know it was your bowling league tonight. Do it tomorrow. Then maybe you’ll understand the artistry of an Ellusionist advertisement.

From the kickstarter: “WILL IT BE YOU, OR WILL YOU BE WATCHING THE GUY DOING THIS STUFF AT YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY GOING ‘THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME….’”

Well, just to be clear, you won’t be saying, “That could have been me.” You’ll be saying, “That could have been us.” Because in that case both you and the other dude at the party would have the same little kit of stuff with you. “Hey look!” the hostess will say, “You both randomly brought a fake looking copy of the novel Dracula to a Christmas party. That is amazing!”

So, what do you think? Do you have the balls to buy the greatest product in the history of magic? Or does the thought of free drinks, wild popularity and the unconditional love this kit will most assuredly bring you scare you too much?

Listen, this is a chance to change your life. You can’t imagine how different things are going to be for you when you show people some mentalism reveals on a fake credit card you keep in your wallet. That’s life-changing stuff right there.

I can’t wait to be the coolest guy in school! In fact, I’m probably just going to wear the lid of the box on my head, like a slick, fashion-forward hat. That alone will probably have me beating back potential friends and lovers. When I walk in the room they’ll all say, “Damn, he’s fly!”

Good point, Max. “Damn, he’s ultra-fly!”