Stretch Testing

Of all the tragedies surrounding the coronavirus situation, by far the worst—I think we can all agree—is that it has put on hold the focus group-style magic testing I’ve helped conduct for some time now.

And that’s a particular shame because I recently received a very important question that needs research.

Ellusionist has released [an] effect called Stretch Cards. I went to look at the reviews on their site, and saw something that has me curious:

"The effect is so powerfully new to the mainstream eye that it can be used alongside pick up artistry. I have performed this trick to random women, and every single one of them has asked for my number, or reciprocated interest and given me their number. The wonder that it creates in the mind of the spectator is so powerful, so stimulating, that the memory it leaves behind leaves you glowing with an enigma of mystery and curiosity that is irresistible to the opposite sex."

Perhaps you could test if this is equally effective for attracting members of the same sex. I'd like to know if it would be best for me to save my money and just leave this effect for all the suave heterosexual magicians out there.

Thanks,

Ryan M

Before you ask, yes, that’s a real review on Elusionist’s site. And what exactly is this panty soaker the reviewer is raving about?

It’s this.

A deck of cards that has been cut and printed in a way that it looks like one corner is stretched. If you hide that corner in some manner, you can then pretend to stretch the card by slowly revealing the corner.

The ad says:

THIS IS METAL BENDING... WITH CARDS

Huh.

I’m not sure that statement quite packs the punch they intended it to. And judging by the fact this product is now over 50% off on Ellusionist’s site, that tagline probably didn’t capture magician’s imaginations as they would have hoped.

I sent a clip from the demo to some female friends. I think they were playing coy with me, because they barely seemed turned on by it at all.

But I’m smart enough to see through that sort of thing. For example, here is one of my conversations.

“Is there more to it?” Oh man. This horny little slut couldn’t get enough. She totally wanted to see more so she could finger herself to the imagery which is “so powerfully new to the mainstream eye.”

So yeah. I think that reviewer probably was right.

But will it work on men, as the question asked? I’m not sure. My plan now is to invest in a Rigiscan Penile Tumescence monitor.

Then I’ll get 500 testees (which would be 1000 testes), strap them in, have them watch the demo, and just see how hard it gets them. Hopefully from there we can extrapolate how likely it is to leave you “glowing with an enigma of mystery and curiosity” to members of the same sex.